BEFORE READING ANY FURTHER, I’m begging anyone who has a pet to please take a moment to read what I’ve written about DENTALS AND INJECTABLE ANESTHESIA (both can be found under the “Important Information About Your Dog” heading at the menu above.) Tragically, countless numbers of pets are being killed every day as a result of the unscrupulous practices of certain veterinarians.
Please understand that there’s NO GOVERNMENT AGENGY THAT MONITORS A VETERINARIAN TO DETERMINE IF THAT VETERINARIAN IS PRACTICING GOOD MEDICINE OR NOT. The only time a veterinarian ever comes under review is if a client lodges a complaint. The only exception to that pertains to the very few veterinary clinics that have undergone the process of becoming AAHA certified where their practices are evaluated for proper standard of care every 3 years.
The truth is that a veterinarian could be doing a terrible job of treating his or her patients and there’s no way a client would ever be able to know it. Just as there are unscrupulous and incompetent people in other professions, there are unscrupulous and incompetent veterinarians. Unfortunately, I’ve worked for several of them while working as a relief veterinarian in Tennessee. Before that, I owned my own veterinary practice in Camarillo, California for 17 years. It was only when I started working as a relief veterinarian that I was able to discover just how unscrupulous and incompetent some veterinarians are.
Please note that there is nothing for sale on this website. This website is a labor of love and it’s purely informational. The website contains information about the welfare of companion animals, twelve completed chapters from my book People Are Like Dogs and seventy original songs. My goal has always been (and will always be) the welfare of your pets. Thank you so much for listening, Dr. Julie Clark
THE PEOPLE ARE LIKE DOGS BOOK:
I sincerely believe this book can offer a once in a lifetime opportunity to see ourselves in a way that we’ve never seen ourselves before. Learning to think of myself as a dog has so completely altered the way I see myself that I’m much more accepting and kind to myself than I’ve ever been before in my life.
Working as a veterinarian for so many years, it began to slowly dawn on me just how much people reminded me of dogs. I gradually came to the conclusion that the reason people and dogs seem so similar was due to the fact that we’re both products of our DNA. And, because we’re products of our DNA, we’re stuck being the creature that we were born to be.
As a vet, I always accepted that different breeds of dogs behaved differently because they each had their own separate DNA. I accepted that a Chihuahua was going to be a Chihuahua as a result of its genetics and that a Chihuahua wasn’t EVER going to behave like a Golden Retriever. Yet, whenever it came to any thoughts concerning myself or the behavior of other humans, I always tended to assume (like most of us) that we humans should have the ability to change ourselves if we only we try hard enough.
As I started studying human genetics (especially temperament), I discovered that humans are much more impacted by their DNA than I’d ever imagined. This knowledge (along with learning how to think of myself as a dog) ultimately made it possible for me to accept and be at peace with the uniquely odd individual that I was born to be in the very same way that I accepted and never questioned that a German Shepherd was always going to behave like a German Shepherd and not some other breed of dog.
Due to the fact that we humans are created from our DNA just as dogs are, it’s finally time for us to quit blaming ourselves for being the person that we are. We’re all a product of our DNA and blaming (or hating) ourselves for being the person that we were born to be would be no different from blaming or hating a Chihuahua for being born a Chihuahua and not some different breed of dog. The simple truth is that our DNA dictates the person that we’re going to be.
So, how can someone be benefited by learning how to think of themselves as a dog?
It’s an odd question to pose and I’m quite certain most of us have never thought about the benefits of thinking of ourselves (and others) as a certain breed (or breeds) of dog. But, if we take a look at the way people instinctively adore and accept dogs exactly as they are (even when they misbehave), it makes sense that, if we can learn to think of ourselves as a dog (a genetic being), then we might just find that we’re more able to adore and accept ourselves for the unique individual that we were born to be as a result of our genetics.
The truth is learning to accept ourselves in the same way that we accept dogs can utterly transform the way we see ourselves (and others), making it possible for us to be much more compassionate and forgiving toward ourselves (and others.) Sadly, from the moment that we’re able to comprehend speech, we’re indoctrinated (to the point we never doubt that it’s true) with this unrealistic belief that we, as humans, should have the capacity to change ourselves into whatever and whomever we may want to be if only we try hard enough. We’re constantly told to just try harder. This belief, though, completely disregards the fact that most of our traits and characteristics (especially those pertaining to temperament) are entirely dictated by our DNA.
Once we’re able to accept how much genetics impacts our lives, this incredible relief washes over us because we finally understand that we simply can’t change who we are to any significant degree. Just as a dog can’t be changed into a different breed of dog no matter how much it’s trained, disciplined or loved, we can’t change ourselves into someone that we’re not no matter what philosophy or treatment plan we may attempt to undertake.
Doctors Alexander Thomas and Stella Chess were psychiatrists (adorably married to one another!) who conducted the infamous study of temperament in humans called the New York Longitudinal Study. The study began in 1956 and involved monitoring and evaluating one hundred thirty-three children for more than fifty years from infancy through adulthood. This landmark study flipped the prevailing beliefs at the time completely upside down because the study revealed that the unique temperaments of the individuals in the study remained fixed and unchanged throughout their lifetimes. This finding led Drs. Thomas and Chess to conclude that temperament is dictated by our DNA and that’s precisely why it doesn’t change over our lifetimes. In the study, Drs. Thomas and Chess identified nine elements that predominantly dictate our individual temperaments:
(1) Activity level (2) Regularity or rhythmicity of bodily functions (3) Initial response to new people and new situations (4) Adaptability (5) Intensity of response (6) Mood (7) Distractibility (8) Persistence and attention span and, finally, (9) Sensitivity to external stimuli.
Alexander Thomas and Stella Chess discovered that, when all of these nine elements of temperament were taken into account, various temperaments fell into three primary categories (or various combinations of the three):
(1) Easy or flexible (2) Difficult, active or feisty and (3) Slow-to-warm-up or cautious.
I was amazed that DNA dictated so many different components of our personality, most fascinatingly, whether we tend to have a predominantly positive or negative mood! The study by Drs. Thomas and Chess completely contradicted what so many professionals had believed up to that time: that we humans were the ones in control of our responses, reactions and moods. The implication in the past had always been that, if we couldn’t control or alter our emotions and moods in the ways that were expected of us, then it was our fault because we just weren’t trying hard enough. The study by Drs. Thomas and Chess clarified that there was much more going on than simply “free will” or “will power.” The truth is our ability to change ourselves is much more limited than had ever been previously understood.
With the findings of Drs. Thomas and Chess, our understanding of human behavior and temperament had been completely transformed. We humans now had to wrap our minds around the fact that we DIDN’T have the capacity to change ourselves in the ways we’d believed we could in the past. This is where learning to think of ourselves as a certain breed of dog comes in handy as it can help us in our attempt to try and accept ourselves as the genetic being that we are.
Most humans instinctively accept dogs simply as they are. When it comes to dogs, we understand that different breeds have their own distinct personality and physical characteristics due to the dog’s breeding and DNA. We never question why a Chihuahua behaves like a Chihuahua or why a Golden Retriever behaves like a Golden Retriever. We simply accept the power of DNA when it comes to dogs. We know that, no matter how much we may try to train, discipline or love a Chihuahua, that Chihuahua is never going to behave like a Golden Retriever.
Yet, when it comes to ourselves, we have a completely different set of expectations for ourselves. Instead of accepting that (just like dogs) our temperament and personality are controlled by the DNA we received from our parents, we stubbornly or naively persist in believing (since we’ve been told this over and over again) that we can change ourselves if only we try enough.
Why are our expectations for ourselves so completely opposite from the expectations we have for our dogs even though both of us are genetic beings? One reason we humans discount the importance of DNA has a lot to do with the fact that DNA is microscopic. Because we can’t see our DNA, we unable to relate to it in the same way that we relate to the events and circumstances that are a part of our “nurture” or the environmental aspect of our lives.
Another major reason we humans are so convinced that we have the ability to change ourselves has to do with the fact that we’ve been this told over and over again. We’ve been told since infants that we need to change and that we must change if we’re going to be accepted and admired by other people. Every person of influence throughout our lives (our parents, peers, religious leaders, teachers, friends, etc.), have told us (until we’re sick of hearing it) that WE MUST CHANGE IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER AND THAT WE’D BE ABLE TO CHANGE IF WE SIMPLY TRIED HARD ENOUGH.
What we experience in reality, though, is that we can’t change, that there’s this ongoing inability to alter the essential individual that we were born to be. Yet, not only do we incessantly fault ourselves for not being able to change but we’re reprimanded and shamed by everyone around us who wants us to change. What we’re told over and over again (and what we also tell ourselves) is that we’re simply not trying hard enough because, if we were trying hard enough, we’d be able to change.
It’s simply tortuous what we humans put ourselves through. All of our failed attempts to change only causes us to be disgusted and disappointed with ourselves, to the point that we frequently end up hating ourselves. Instead of being encouraged to accept ourselves just as we are, we’re shamed, bullied and shunned for simply being the individual that we were born to be due to our DNA. In my mind, that’s nothing short of tragic.
One trait that all of us humans share is this horrible compulsion to constantly compare ourselves to others. Comparing ourselves to others is how we assess how we’re doing in the world. As analytical beings, we instinctively want and need to know how we’re measuring up to everyone else. All humans incessantly compare ourselves to others whether we want to do it or not. It’s an instantaneous and compulsive thing that we all do and, no matter how hard we may try to not do it, it’s impossible to stop ourselves from doing it. As we engage in this comparative process, though, we’re always going to find people who seem to be living a much more amazing and wonderful life than we are. We’re always going to find someone out who seems to have more love, more beauty, more talent, more power, more wealth, more success, more happiness than we do. That’s why so many of us feel like failures all the time and it’s also why so many of us are forced to live with an unrelenting self-hatred inside of ourselves that sticks with us and torments us throughout the entirety of our lives.
Yet, despite the misery that this comparison process causes us, relief and comfort can be found in the most unlikely of places: by learning to think of ourselves as a genetic being. It’s incredibly liberating to be able to see ourselves as a genetic being in the very same way that our beloved dogs and every other living creature on this planet is. No living being has any choice but to be the unique entity that it was born or created to be due to its DNA. Once we’re able to accept that truth, we’re able to begin the process of accepting and making peace with the one-of-a-kind, unique individual that each of us was born to be.
What I’ve found is the easiest and quickest way to accept ourselves (and others) for the genetic being that we were born to be is to simply imagine ourselves as being a particular breed (or breeds) of dog. Thinking of ourselves as a dog not only hammers home that we ultimately have no choice but to be who we were born to be (just like a Poodle has no choice but to be a Poodle) but it allows us to take the compassion and empathy we instinctively feel for dogs and apply that compassion and empathy towards ourselves and others!
None of us (dogs or humans) can be blamed for being the genetic being that we were born to be. It’s our DNA that primarily dictates who we will or will not be. DNA prevents us from being able to change who we are in any significant way. Once that concept takes hold inside of ourselves, we can begin the process of accepting ourselves as we are and finally get down to the business of living our lives and making the best of what we’ve been given.
Learning to think of ourselves as a dog (a genetic being) can be life changing because, understanding that we can’t change who we are is the only way to finally accept and to make peace with the person that we are. If we can treat ourselves (and others) with only half of the compassion and empathy that we treat dogs, we’ll be so much further down our path to self-acceptance and peace. Here’s to all of us finding self-acceptance and peace! WOOF!
A DOG’S MESSAGE TO US: Be yourselves in each and every moment! This means: (1) exploring, discovering and owning who you are and (2) never spend time obsessing over the past or future (live in the here and now!)
HOW TO FUNCTION IN A PACK: Behave! This means: (1) remembering your manners (no chewing of the couch or peeing on the carpet) and (2) always doing your best to get along with the rest of the pack (no excessive growling or biting!)
PEOPLE ARE LIKE DOGS….A GUIDE TO SELF-ACCEPTANCE AND THE ACCEPTANCE OF OTHERS
As the title of this book suggests, people and dogs have quite a bit in common though there are some notable differences. Dogs and humans are both driven by two primary forces. These forces constantly impact our behavior through our biology and our genetics. The most powerful of these forces is the need to survive. Dogs and humans are both possessed by a need to feel safe in our surroundings. This need to survive is all consuming and is constantly present even though it frequently operates on a subconscious level.
The second force that influences both dogs and humans is our need to reproduce and to be a part of a familial unit. A big part of our genetics is focused on reproducing. Our biology compels us to do this through reproductive hormones such as estrogen and testosterone. Once we reproduce, then our lives become consumed with by the commitment needed to make sure that our offspring survive so that, one day, they too can reproduce (whereby the survival of the species is guaranteed.)
Humans, though, differ dramatically from dogs in that we are possessed by a third force that concerns our desperate need for meaning, purpose and understanding. Humans possess a one of a kind capacity that no other creature on Earth has: self-awareness. Our self-awareness may occasionally be a blessing but, many times, it’s a curse in that we’re compelled to constantly evaluate and judge ourselves as compared to all other humans. As humans, we’re never allowed a moment’s peace in our never-ending quest to determine whether we have measured up or not. We desperately want to feel worthy, that our lives have purpose and meaning. Dogs, on the contrary, never question their worth or whether they somehow measure up as compared to other dogs. No dog ever wonders if the dog down the street is living a better life or is more talented or beautiful. Dogs live forever in the moment (which is one of the reasons why we adore them so much.)
Humans rarely live in the moment. Instead, we’re obsessed by an inescapable need to understand life and to find meaning. We need to understand why we exist and, most importantly, why we’re doomed to suffer and die. Our need for meaning and understanding causes us to question and speculate about the possibility of a higher being and what power that higher being might have over our lives and our deaths. We constantly wonder about the possibly of an afterlife and what we need to do or be so that we can be included in that afterlife. Dogs, on the other hand, never conceptualize their deaths. A dog will become fearful if it feels threatened by something or someone but dogs don’t ever think about death as a concept.
It’s important to understand that all of these drives create an incredible anxiety inside each of us. Anxiety is unavoidable as it’s a natural consequence of being alive. Yet, we humans have somehow gotten the idea implanted in our minds that we should NOT be anxious and that there’s something wrong with us if we are. The opposite is actually true: if you’re alive, you’re going to be anxious (either consciously or subconsciously) to various degrees most the time (even in our dreams.) In the same way that a dog barks like crazy when it hears an unfamiliar sound, humans are programmed by our DNA to be constantly on the alert for anything that might be a potential threat to us. It’s normal to be wary and afraid a lot of the time. Anxiety is what keeps us alive: it causes us to be constantly vigilant so that we pay attention to our surroundings (before it’s too late) for something or someone who could hurt us or our family.
Knowing all of this can help us understand how much we all share in common: (1) the need to survive and to feel safe, (2) the need to build a family and produce offspring, (3) the need to belong, feel worthy and, most importantly, feel our lives mattered. Recognizing that we’re all driven by these intrinsic forces can help us to feel compassion and empathy for ourselves and others.
Changing our perspective changes everything!
This chapter tells the story of how the circumstances of my life led me to sell both my veterinary clinic and my home and to move across the country in a quest to “find myself.” As a result of that quest, I eventually stumbled upon the People Are Like Dog’s philosophy and it changed my life forever. This chapter centers around my life-long struggle to have a close relationship with my mother. When I started to think of my mother as a Schipperke (an extremely agitated and angry little dog that loves to bite as a way of asserting control), I realized that my mom wasn’t ever going to be the Golden Retriever that I’d always wanted her to be. My mom was never going to be the kind of mom that supports and encourages her child because that’s simply not the kind of person she was. I had to make peace with the fact that my relationship with my mom was always going to fall short of what I’d hoped and longed for. Yet, by accepting my mom for the Schipperke that she was, I was able to eventually develop an unexpected sympathy and compassion for my mom because I finally understood that, due to the temperament she’d been born with at no fault of her own, she simply didn’t have the ability to be supportive and caring to anyone, even her daughter. I realized that it wasn’t my mother’s fault that her DNA had caused her to have an intensely difficult temperament (she was Italian for heaven’s sake!) My mom (like all of us) was simply at the mercy of her DNA. Once I was able to recognize this, I quit blaming her and I quit blaming myself for our inability to have the close relationship I’d always wanted. It wasn’t ever going to happen and I had to accept that or continue being miserable every time she did something to hurt me. Neither of us were to blame. Nothing that I could do would make her be who I’d wanted her to be. My mom and I were simply genetic beings and, due to the incredible impact that DNA has on who we are, neither of us could help the fact that we were forever stuck being the people that we were born to be.
This chapter discusses how all of us are genetic beings and that our DNA dictates who we are. To better understand the way in which DNA controls us, I discuss the amazing 1970’s Minnesota Twin Study that evaluated identical twins who were separated at birth. Before the Minnesota Twin Study, most psychiatrists (as well as the general public) were convinced that it was environmental influences that dictated our individual personality traits. The Minnesota Twin Study completely turned those beliefs upside down. Since the Minnesota Twin Study, countless new studies have re-confirmed that it’s DNA that primarily shapes the unique individuals that we are.
I also discuss the genetic reasons why dogs bite as well as a National Geographic article that details a study in which wild foxes in Siberia were tamed through selective breeding. The National Geographic article clearly demonstrates that tameness and domestication are a function of DNA and not a function of environment.
Easy, Difficult, Slow-to-warm up
This chapter discusses not only how temperament is determined by our DNA but how our temperament determines the way in which we experience and respond to the world. There are nine components of temperament that were outlined by the psychiatrists Stella Chase and Alexander Thomas. These nine temperamental components remain consistent and constant throughout our lives. These temperamental components include our activity levels, the predictability of our bodily functions, our mood, our ability to adapt, our intensity, how easily we’re distracted, our persistence, our attention span and our individual sensitivity to external stimuli. Temperament was classified by Chase and Thomas as being easy, difficult, slow-to-warm-up or, more typically, a combination of the three.
The first step in being able to accept ourselves (and others) as we are is being able to understand that none of us has the ability to significantly change what our temperament is as a result of the fact that temperament is dictated by our DNA. Temperament, along with other genetic traits, is the reason why each of us is completely unique (with the exception, of course, of identical twins.) Temperament not only dictates our individual strengths and weaknesses but it dictates how well we function in the world: why we click with certain activities and people and why we don’t do well with other activities and people. This aspect of our temperament is discussed in great detail in Chapters 7 and 8.
This chapter discusses the phenomenon of predictable variation. Every phenomenon that one observes in the world can be illustrated mathematically by a graph called the bell shaped curve. Bell shaped curves can be used to plot anything that’s measurable (such as height, weight, how much TV we all watch, etc.) Bell shaped curves demonstrate that there’s always a median or an average when it comes to any measurable data (such as height or weight.)
Bell shaped curves are a predictable and consistent measure of life and, most importantly, they explain why life will never be “fair.” What we consider to be unfair is simply the predictable variation that occurs naturally in the world. For example, if we look at the bell shaped curve of human happiness, we’d see that a very small percentage of people live extraordinarily happy lives, that a very small percentage of people experience tragic lives and, finally, that the majority of us live lives where there’s a fairly even mix of happiness and misery. Most people in the world are “average” and, as a result of that fact, they fall in the middle range of the bell shaped curve.
Due to the fact that life is predictably variable, most of what happens to us is a matter of chance. For example, it’s a matter of chance that our parents happened to meet and that we ended up with the DNA that we did. All of our genetic traits, all of our families and each of the individual socioeconomic circumstances that each of us was born into are all factors revolving around chance.
That’s why the important thing to remember as we struggle to find self-acceptance and peace is that, even though it may feel personal at times, LIFE IS NOT PERSONAL. The truth is that our lives are mixture of genetics and chance (not unlike the lottery) and, as a result of that, it’s up to us (and only us) to make the best out of what we’ve been given.
This chapter discusses the phenomenon of hybrid vigor. Hybrid vigor is the opposite of inbreeding. When individuals with similar DNA mate (which is called inbreeding), their offspring will face an increased likelihood of genetic problems because certain recessive genes have an increased likelihood of matching up and being expressed in the offspring. On the other hand, when individuals with very different genetic material reproduce, the offspring often ends up actually being superior to that of either parent genetically. That is the definition of hybrid vigor.
Our subconscious desire for hybrid vigor is very likely the reason why opposites attract! If we’re attracted to and mate with someone who’s our genetic opposite, we avoid mating with someone who’s in our own genetic pool. As a result, we are much more likely to have healthier and more viable offspring which is what all of us living creatures want for our offspring.
Hybrid vigor also explains why there are so many crazy mating rituals in animals and birds (including ourselves!) because all females are genetically programmed to be exceedingly picky about who they mate with. It’s up to the female to make certain that her offspring has the best genetic material available so that their offspring will have and increased likelihood of reaching maturity and being able to reproduce themselves. The males of most species are genetically programmed to breed with any female who is available and ready to be bred. That’s the male’s job genetically: to spread their sperm around as much as is possible while competing with other males of the species. That’s why the males of most species aren’t picky about which female they breed. In general, the female’s reproductive quest is to get the highest quality of DNA to ensure healthy and protected offspring while, in the male’s reproductive quest, the driving force is quantity because it allows as many females as is possible to be impregnated which ensures the continuation of the species with the caveat that the male’s DNA will be included in the offspring of future generations. Another contributing fact to this arrangement has to do the fact that a female can only be pregnant a limited number of times a year (or longer depending on the species) while, even a the male participates in the care and raising of the offspring, he’s typically able to still inseminate other females at the same time he’s being a caretaker of his offspring.
The female’s need to find the best DNA for her offspring in addition to looking for the male that will also provide and protect her offspring is what contributes to the flamboyantly elaborate mating rituals that exist in the creatures of this planet. In her quest to select the very best male with which to breed, females of most species have created flamboyantly elaborate hoops that a potential mate must jump through before he’s allowed to be the female’s breeding partner. All these conscious or unconscious rituals are driven by the female’s DNA. It’s a mating game that all creatures are compelled to play because the most capable and diverse male must be selected so that hybrid vigor is present in the offspring and, just as importantly, the offspring are provided for and protected by the male so that the offspring can reach reproductive maturity and continue on the species.
This chapter deals with the fact that, because we’re genetic beings, we don’t have the ability to change who we are to any significant extent. This chapter also stresses how similar we all are to one another internally even though, on the surface, we may seem quite different as a result of our different (genetically-dictated) appearance, gender and temperament. We are also different superficially our environmental circumstances such as our socio-economic status, our various religions and ethnicities. What we share in common, though, is just as powerful (if not more so) than those things that make us seem different superficially.
All people share in common the following: (1) a constant struggle to survive; (2) a desire to mate and have offspring; (3) the need to love and be loved; (4) and the need to feel valued and to find meaning in our lives.
Despite the fact that we we’re unable to change who we are individually as a result of our DNA, the four needs we share listed above cause us to constantly feel like we need to change: that we must to do something differently so that we can fulfill those four needs. This constant and unrelenting pressure to change who we are is the reason so many of us are miserable and unhappy about the life we’re currently living..
As there’s no way to change our DNA, the only real choice we have for any moments of peace in our lives is to somehow find the way to accept ourselves just as we are. The biggest assistance I’ve discovered in doing this is not counseling and medication but simply learning how to think of ourselves as a dog! It’s critical to accepting that we can’t change and trying to constantly change ourselves is the root of our unhappiness with our lives. Learning to think of ourselves as a dog helps us because we already accept the fact that a German Shepherd isn’t ever going to be able to turn itself into a Poodle. We have to understand that it’s crazy for us to keep believing that we should have the ability to change ourselves into something that we’re not. Trying to change ourselves only make us miserable because it’s simply not possible. We are who we are because of our DNA. We can never turn ourselves into someone that we’re not. Our only option is to accept ourselves as we are and make peace with the individual that our genetics have dictated us to be.
This chapter discusses how each of us naturally gets along quite well with certain people but don’t get along well with certain other people. This involves the way in which our individual temperaments interact. Though this is straight forward and seems easy enough to understand, what complicates the situation is how there’s something in humans that compels us to be attracted to other people based on those people’s appearance.
There are genetic reasons why relationships are based on appearance but the negative consequence of choosing someone as a result of their appearance is that we end up disregarding other important traits and characteristics that are critical if we’re going to have a healthy and happy relationship. One of these traits is temperament compatibility. If we primarily base our relationships on appearance, we may be able to accomplish the hybrid vigor that we genetically want for our offspring but it’s very likely that we’re going to be quite unhappy with other aspects of the relationship!
Dangerous people represent the worst case scenario when it comes to making bad choices in relationships. In whatever way that we can, we need to prevent dangerous people from coming into our lives. Once a dangerous person is entangled in our lives, someone is bound to get hurt or killed and that’s not something we can undo.
In the same way that we choose our romantic partners based on appearance, we also choose our pets on appearance. Instinctively, we fall in love with a dog’s cuteness or the fact that it’s strong and majestic. What we don’t frequently do is consider how that dog’s temperament is going to mesh with our own temperament or that of our family.
As temperament is genetic, we must once and for all let go of the out-dated belief that so many people have that a dog (or a person!) can be changed through training, discipline or love. Every one of us is who we are because of our DNA and, because of that, we can’t change ourselves or anybody else. That’s simply how it is. That’s why we must use extreme caution when it comes to which people (and dogs) we permit into our lives. The worst case scenario is that we could find ourselves in is looking back and saying to ourselves, “What have I gotten myself into? How did I let this happen?”
This chapter takes on the all-important topic of difficult relationships. Relationships fall into two main categories: (1) familial relationships (family) and (2) all the other relationships we have. We’re always going to tolerate more from family than we do non-familial relationships. That’s what’s so special about family. No matter how we get along, we’re connected to our families for better or worse for the entirety of our lives.
All relationships are defined by the interplay of the two temperaments involved. As temperament is controlled by DNA, the manner in which our temperament bounces off the temperament of someone else is, for the most part, beyond of our control.
This is further complicated by the fact that (as was mentioned above), most of our relationships are based on appearance. This means that we invariably give less consideration to other important relational issues such as patience, kindness, honesty, responsibility, dependability, faithfulness, generosity, etc.
When it comes to relationships, individuals who have an easy temperament (as discussed in Chapter 3) will have a tendency to get along well with almost everyone (think Golden Retriever) while individuals with difficult or slow-to-warm-up temperaments will experience more problems in their relationships (like a Chihuahua might.)
Whatever the underlying cause, there are only four possible ways of dealing with a difficult relationship:
(1) do nothing and simply try to live with the relationship as it is, hoping for best (i.e.-holding on to the hope that someone might one day mellow with age!)
(2) try to renegotiate or redefine the relationship (this inevitably involves a lowering of one’s expectations in an effort to accept the other individual’s temperament as it is rather than how we wish it could be)
(3) learn how to create emotional and/or physical space in the relationship as a protective mechanism
(4) end the relationship
Acceptance is only possible when we’ve finally reached the point that we accept that most things in life are beyond our control. Humans desperately long to believe that “everything in life is possible if only we try hard enough” but that’s simply not the way life works.
Constantly wanting to change ourselves is what causes us to be so horribly dissatisfied with ourselves and our lives. Though we don’t seem to have a problem accepting our dogs as they truly are (i.e.-we don’t expect a Chihuahua to behave like a Golden Retriever), we don’t seem to have the ability to accept ourselves as we truly are.
The only time we’ll ever be able to experience a moment of self-acceptance is when we’re accepting ourselves just as we are: including both what’s good and what’s bad about ourselves. Due to the human tendency to be unrelentingly critical of ourselves, any self-acceptance we may experience will be extremely fleeting. Humans as a species are incredibly ruthless in the way that we judge ourselves: we don’t give ourselves much (if any) compassion and understanding.
That’s why learning to think of ourselves as a dog is so invaluable as it gives us a way to be much less judgmental towards ourselves. As most of us love dogs no matter what faults they may have, if we can start thinking of ourselves (and others) as dogs, we’ll find that we’re able to like ourselves and others better simply because it’s easier and less complicated for us to love a dog than it is to love another human!
I love the fact that, as soon as I started thinking of myself as a dog, it was so much easier to laugh and to make light of my various faults and shortcomings! It got to the point that whenever I’d catch myself getting ready to put my muddy paws all over someone else’s life in my quest to be helpful, I could quickly remind myself that, once again, I was letting the Labrador Retriever inside of me go crazy and I should control my desire to be helpful until someone was actually asking for my help! I was almost as tolerant towards myself as I might be towards a real Labrador Retriever! Since all of us are fated to be the individual that we were born to be, being compassionate and understanding is the only way to go if we ever want to have any peace and acceptance in our lives. All we have to do is be as nice to ourselves (and others) as we’d be to a dog!
There are four main hurdles to our quest for self-acceptance and peace:
- Our individual temperament: some of us are simply going to have a harder time accepting ourselves and getting along with others simply because we were born with a “difficult” or “slow-to-warm-up” temperament as opposed to an easy temperament.
- Our expectations, ideals and standards: all humans are burdened with unrealistic expectations, ideals and standards which arise from our compulsive need to compare ourselves to others. We’re constantly worrying about how we measure up to everyone else and we live our lives trying to figure out if we’re worse off than everybody else or if we’re equal to or better off than everyone else. There’s no escaping the fact that this is simply something that all people do whether we like it or not.
- Our naivety and inexperience: there’s no way that any of us can avoid being naïve and inexperienced at certain points in our life. Naivety and inexperience have a huge impact on our ability to accept and be at peace with ourselves because, when we’re naive and inexperienced, we lack the ability to clearly see who we truly are as our perceptions are skewed and distorted.
- The inescapable negativity that we always feel towards ourselves: we humans have a natural tendency to judge ourselves quite negatively. We’re harsh and critical and rarely, if ever, demonstrate any true compassion or understanding towards ourselves (another reason why it’s so critical that we learn to think of ourselves as dogs.)
As we mature and gradually learn to deal with life, what we hopefully discover is that each and every one of us have limits and boundaries that define who we are as individuals. With experience and maturity, we hopefully come to realize that (contrary to how we felt when we were younger and more inexperienced) we’re not alone in our pain and suffering. It’s vital to our being able to find acceptance and peace to eventually understand that each one of (no matter how happy or privileged we may seem on the outside) experiences heartache and pain. Understanding this (along with the realization that we’re all much more similar than different) is a giant step towards acceptance and peace.
If we can see that all of us are in this world together, struggling to live our lives as best we can, that each of us has been unceremoniously plopped down into our lives, that all of us are genetic beings who can’t help but be the person that we were born to be, then we just might be able to discover some compassion and understanding not simply for ourselves but for one another. We all need to forgive ourselves for being the fallible and imperfect beings that humans can’t help but be.
CHAPTER ELEVEN…..The more we resist something the more it persists (In other words, simply ignoring our problems won’t make them go away)
CHAPTER TWELVE….Self-improvement in spite of our genetic selves (Thankfully, with a lot of work and determination, people, just like dogs, can be trained!)
CHAPTER 29….Dangerous dogs: we must trust our instincts and try to remember that it’s always a very good idea to be a little bit paranoid whenever we have large powerful dogs around us (especially when those dogs are interacting with children.) This chapter is out of order but it’s so incredibly important that I wrote it ahead of some of the other chapters in order to get it out there. If I can save even one person or child from being bitten, mauled or killed by a dog, I will have accomplished at least a small bit of what I hoped to accomplish.
We can never forget that dogs bite: it’s how they interact and express themselves. It’s critical to understand that even the nicest dog can have a “moment” and, in that “moment,” lives can be lost or irrevocably changed. Please be careful because, once tragedy has stuck, there’s no going back.
Chapters in Progress:
13. SURVIVAL: Dogs and humans have no biological option but to be constantly concerned about survival. As a species, we must survive so we can reproduce and raise out offspring until they are ready to reproduce. It’s how our species survives. It’s innate and mostly subconscious. The human need to survive can easily explain our need to frequently play it safe in life. Our fear of dying is our greatest priority and the greatest source of the natural anxiety and fear we always feel.
14. REPRODUCTION: Humans are genetically wired to reproduce. We often confuse, though, the physical attraction we feel as a result of our genetic need to reproduce as being the same thing as “Love” which is actually something quite different than mere physical attraction. Reproduction and love are frequently intertwined but they’re not the same thing. Our human genetic need to reproduce and to form a nuclear unit is based on the survival of our species. Dogs are driven by the same genetic need to reproduce and, just as humans, dogs can obviously feel love for their owners and other animals which is completely separate from their genetic need to reproduce. All mutual needs to reproduce and build a nuclear unit (pack) can either be a source of comfort or a source of stress and conflict if there are issues of incompatible temperaments.
15. BIOLOGY AND HORMONES: Biology and hormones play a huge role in our need to reproduce and to form nuclear units. This is true of both dogs and humans. Females cycle at various times and due to estrogen and FSH, they are receptive to being mated at that time. Males, on the other hand, are genetically programmed to breed any receptive female available. This isn’t an issue for dogs but a major issue for humans as males are naturally compelled to reproduce with as many females as they possible can. To not respond to that impulse means a male must struggle against his genetic inclinations. The value that humans place on being monogamous creates an inevitable problem as it goes against the male’s genetic inclinations.
16. OUR NEED FOR PURPOSE AND MEANING: Humans have a desperate need for purpose and to have some kind of meaning in our lives.Dogs experience a genetic need for purpose depending on their breed but it’s not quite the same need that humans have for meaning and purpose. Many breeds of dogs have genetic purposes bred into them, such as herding dogs, guard dogs, working breeds, etc. Our human need for purpose and meaning is often more metaphysical and spiritual than it is for dogs. The human need for purpose and meaning is often elusive and disappointing because as soon as we achieve one purpose or sense of meaning, we frequently are disillusioned and automatically feel the need for a new and more powerful purpose or meaning.
17. DREAMS AND HOPE: We humans have a desperate need for dreams and hope. We constantly fantasize about various possible futures for ourselves. This is intertwined with our need for purpose and meaning and also serves as a means to distract ourselves from all the loss, fear and death we experience in life. Dogs don’t have dreams and fantasies though they definitely experience expectation and disappointment (for example, expectation as to the time they’re supposed to be fed or disappointment if their owners don’t come home when they usually do, etc.) For us humans, most of the misery we experience revolves around the fact that our dreams and hopes rarely measure up to our expectations. Consequently, life (along with the people in our lives) inevitably disappoints us and breaks our hearts because our dreams and hopes rarely come true.
18. THE BELIEF IN A HIGHER BEING: Humans clearly have an innate need to believe in some sort of Higher Being. This has been demonstrated throughout the history. Dogs don’t have this problem. Unfortunately, our desperate need to believe in a higher being impacts our lives in many intense and dramatic ways. The reasons we humans have such a desperate need for the existence of a Higher Being has to do with our view of what’s right versus what’s wrong, our fear of death and our longing for eternal life.
19. ANXIETY AND FEAR: Simply being alive produces all kinds of fear and anxiety. Anxiety and fear are actually perfectly normal responses for any sentient being. The degree of fear and anxiety that each of us experiences is determined by our individual genetics and our previous life experiences. Instead of characterizing our anxiety and fear as being something that’s abnormal, it’s much more helpful to view anxiety and fear as simply consequences of being alive and trying to stay alive! Our feelings of fear and anxiety definitely aren’t enjoyable but they’re absolutely vital to our survival. If an individual’s fear and anxiety becomes debilitating, then medication or counseling or some other methodology may be needed because fear and anxiety should work to our benefit, not our detriment.
20. LIFE IS SUFFERING: There is no escaping the suffering of being alive. Again, the degree that an individual (dog or human) suffers is greatly impacted by that individual’s genetics and their environmental circumstances. Sometimes, when suffering is overwhelming, it’s necessary to go into what I call the “cocoon” phase. Our cocoon phase simply involves the closing off of ourselves from the world at large until we can heal. Humans need time to heal when tragedy and heartache befall us. However long it takes us to heal in our cocoon phase is however long it takes. When we finally are healed enough to emerge from our cocoon, this may be our most vulnerable time because we’re still tender and fragile from being closed off for so long. If all goes well, though, we may yet again be able to experience moments of joy that are the metaphoric equivalent of flight: where all seems right with the world. Unfortunately, due to the way this world operates, no living being gets to fly forever. That’s why, as much as is humanly possible, we must always try to be subconsciously prepared for that moment in time when traumatic events are going to befall us again as they always will. Tragedy and death are an inevitable part of life.
21. ADDICTION: Addiction is actually a very logical means to an end for humans who are suffering to be able to numb their pain. There is clearly a genetic predisposition to this because, as part of being a living being, we must always survive. If life is allowed to become too unbearable, the only logical way out is often to simply kill ourselves and that is not what any living being genetically wants to do.
There are all kinds of addictive behavior and it occurs in both dogs and people. In dogs, addictive behavior might exhibit itself in all kinds of ways: perhaps a dog that repeatedly chases its tail or excessively licks or chews at one part of its body (similar to a child sucking its thumb.) For humans, there are countless addictions that serve to help us distract ourselves from the pain, fear and anxiety we experience daily in living life: overeating, anorexia, excessive sports or exercise, work addiction, keeping ourselves perpetually busy, never ending TV watching or video gaming, mindless hours on a computer, religious immersion, sexual addiction, sleeping excessively as a means of escape, all kinds of drugs and alcohol…the list goes on and on. Addiction is simply another logic means for us to escape the suffering of life. Clearly, addictions distract us from our suffering but, frequently, our addictions often increase our suffering in other new and unexpected ways which is always the human conundrum: what can we do to make ourselves feel better without causing ourselves to feel bad. Argh!
22. WHAT KIND OF DOG AM I: This chapter clarifies and explains why life is so much easier to understand and to tolerate once we’ve learned how to think of ourselves as a genetic being (or, for the purposes of this book, as a certain breed or combination of breeds of dog.)
23. WORKING BREEDS: perfectionists and leaders
24. SPORTING BREEDS: extroverts and clowns
25. HERDING BREEDS: controllers
26. HOUNDS: loungers
27. TERRIERS: high-energy multi-taskers (busy, busy, busy)
28. TOY BREEDS: dependent and anxious
29. DANGEROUS DOGS: no dog is ever worth someone’s life or well-being
30. PARTING THOUGHTS…
Please note: this entire website (as well as the book) is apparently a never-ending work in progress. There’s still a lot that needs to be completed. Thanks for your patience!
Hello everyone, my name’s Dr. Julie Clark and I want to thank you so much for visiting my website. I hope that there’s something here for everyone (including your pets!)
I’ve been a veterinarian for thirty-seven years (as of 2017) and I’m hoping, through this website, to be able to help pet owners with their pets and to finally get the book I’m writing about how “People Are Like Dogs” out into the world (a book about self-acceptance and the acceptance of others through thinking of ourselves as dogs.)
The idea for the website came to me in the wee hours of the night one night: a time when my brain loves to wake me up so it can try to solve any problems I have that need solving. I’d actually spent quite a few nights awake in 2016 because, through a combination of bad luck and bad choices, it’d been one of the worst years of my life. Not only did I break my ankle in May (and, consequently, was out of work for two months) but I’d also had the misfortune of being ripped off by several different contractors in my efforts to fix up a new house I’d moved into as well as get my old house ready to sell. Additionally, on top of the broken ankle and the bad contractors, I’d been feeling discouraged because I hadn’t had much of a chance to work on a book I’d been writing for the past four years called People Are Like Dogs as a result of being so stressed out over the broken ankle and the bad contractors.
I’d desperately been wanting to get the People Are Like Dogs book out into the world because I was hoping it might help other people as much as it had helped me. Learning how to think of myself as a dog (in my case, a mixture of a Labrador and a Terrier: what I call a “Laberrier”) had finally made it possible for me to make peace with not only who I was as a person but with certain people I’d been struggling to get along with for years (my mom in particular.)
Getting along with people is always so much more difficult to do as compared to getting along with dogs. As a vet, I’d always accepted that dogs were distinct from one another (in temperament and behavior) as a result of their different genetics: i.e.-a German Shepherd behaves like a German Shepherd because it possesses the DNA of a German Shepherd. Nothing too earth shattering about that. But, at some pivotal moment in my life, I’d started to believe that the same thing was true about humans: that each of us is endowed genetically with a unique temperament and personality. Before that change in my perspective, I’d always thought that, no matter what our genetics might be, we should be capable of changing ourselves into whatever we wanted ourselves to be. Now, I was convinced that it’s our DNA that dictates our temperament and personality (just as it does in dogs.) And, just as it is in dogs, it’s not possible to ever really change the individual that we were born to be. So, just as a German Shepherd is fated to be a German Shepherd because of its genetics, each of us is fated to be the individual we are because of our genetics.
What that means is that the only way to ever be at peace with ourselves (and others) is to accept ourselves (and others) as we are: we are who we are as a result of our genetics and we can’t blame someone for the content of their DNA. It’s a complete waste of energy to constantly berate ourselves (and others) for being who we are because it’s simply not possible to change ourselves into something that we’re not. That’d be the same as chastising a German Shepherd for not being able to change itself into a Poodle!
Since DNA can’t be changed, the only thing that we can reasonably do is accept ourselves (and others) for whoever it is that we happen to be. People instinctively accept dogs for who they are as individuals: we simply don’t expect a Poodle to act like a Chihuahua. That’s why, when we learn how to think of ourselves and others as dogs, it becomes much easier to be accepting. For example, now that I’ve learned how to think of myself as a dog, it’s much easier for me to accept that I’m a mixture of a people-pleasing Labrador and a constantly busy, do-ten-things-at-once Terrier. Accepting that about myself is a whole heck of a lot easier than trying to accept that I’m some kind of flawed human being. When I think of myself as a dog, all my quirkiness becomes an expression of my DNA and, just as I would with a real dog, I simply accept it for what it is. It doesn’t mean that it all of sudden becomes easy to be a Labrador mixed with a Terrier since the Labrador is always going to want to ignore boundaries while the Terrier in me tries to insist on being in control! But what I know now is that I’m never going to change and, as a consequence, I might as well accept myself for who I am. The truth is I can’t change myself anymore than a Chihuahua or a German Shepherd can change themselves: for better or worse, we are who we are because of our DNA.
So, with all the bad luck that I’d experienced in 2016 on top of the fact that I’d turned 63 in July, I was now feeling weirdly fragile and vulnerable. And, though I’d never been too overly afraid of dying before, I was now starting to feel as if my mortality was stalking me like some kind of ravenous creature just waiting for the right moment to gobble me up! Yikes.
Along with this new fear of dying came a dramatic sense of urgency: I had so much I wanted to do before I died! For more than twenty years (way before I started writing the People Are Like Dogs book), I’d wanted to write a veterinary book for pet owners. I not only wanted to tell pet owners everything they needed to know about their pets but I wanted to let them know how to evaluate the care they were getting from their current veterinarians. Unfortunately, there are veterinarians out there who don’t do a very good job of being a veterinarian (just as there are plumbers and other professionals who don’t do good work.) As upsetting as it is to encounter an incompetent veterinarian, it can be just as upsetting dealing with a veterinarian who is only concerned with making a lot of money. Veterinarians deserve to make a profit like anyone else but it’s not right when certain veterinarians try to take advantage of pet owners by pressuring them into doing unnecessary (and sometimes risky or dangerous) tests and procedures. One of the worst examples of this kind of thing concerns the recent trend in which veterinarians are encouraging owners to do yearly dentals on their dogs. Shamefully, many of the dentals being done these days are being done for no other reason than to pad the veterinarian’s pocketbook. This practice is a complete betrayal of the trust we put in our veterinarians (especially considering that the majority of the dentals being done are being done on older animals who are much more likely to experience complications as a result of the anesthesia.)
So, worried as I was about how to get these books finished, I realized that I needed to come up with something different. It was clear that if I tried to get the books out into the world in the usual way, I’d not only have to get the books finished and edited but I’d also have to get them published and distributed. That would take a lot of work and time that I no longer felt that I had now that I was having my mid-like crisis in which my mortality was breathing down my neck.
But as luck would have it, one night in the middle of the night a wonderful idea popped into my head: “Why couldn’t I simply put everything I wanted to say on a website?” Not only could I put all the completed chapters from the People Are Like Dogs book on the website (simply adding new chapters as I got them written) but I could also put all the veterinary information that I wanted pet owners to have on the same website! I couldn’t imagine why I hadn’t thought of something like this before! Looking back, I think all the trauma that I’d experienced in 2016 made me feel fragile and vulnerable and, out of sheer desperation, I went looking for other options. The two best things about doing a website was that I was going to be able to get the information out there right now and I’d be able to make that information available to everyone (there’d be no need for anyone to have to go out and buy a book!)
So, in a nutshell, that’s how this website came about! My greatest hope is that you’ll be pleasantly surprised when you discover that there’s something here that you didn’t even know you needed to know or were looking for (be it entertainment, advice or a new way of looking at yourself and others as dogs!)
All my very best to you (and your pets!) Woof!